Woolly Wolstenholme and Maestoso


Woolly's blog, lovingly chronicling the birth-pangs of Maestoso's latest masterpiece.

See also Doktor Schreckmann's Casenotes


1st October, 2007


With 'Caterwauling' rising proudly from the steaming ashes of the doomed 'Grafenberg', the sun has to set on this series of postcards from the trenches.

As Goethe famously said, " Alles Vergängliche ist nur ein Gleichnis", and who are we to argue with that? The stuff's at the factory so down comes the curtain on the third part of the Maestoso trilogy. ( Don't completely rule out a fourth... )

Here, in a defining moment, is the track listing.


28th July, 2007


Dear "Anxious of Tewkesbury",

For you, the long months of waiting are almost over! Very soon the latest waxing from the Maestoso people will be set before you glistening and bloody - like a plate of under-cooked kidneys. But to "wet" your appetite even more as you while away the hours in your flood-threatened tree-house, any purchase of 'Caterwauling' made through the good offices of K & M Domone ( Novelties) Ltd. will come complete with a lavish piece of cardboard literally signed by ALL 4 MEMBERS OF THE BAND!!!

In crayon.
( We can't have sharp things. )

The select few who have heard the album unanimously agree that they've actually heard it, and that it is the first completely new ' BJH-style- related-type-thing' since... erm,


29th June, 2007


Dear reader,

The title of this production is indeed "Gniluawretac" and even as we speak Herr Broomhead is in the bedroom furiously mastering the thing. On another front, Konzeptmeister Rohl's caravan will leave Spanish shores for England's balmy clime some time in July. Many pipes will be smoked around the camp-fire, probably.


22nd June, 2007

c a t e r w a u l i n g

The renowned Portuguese artist/photographer VEICULO LONGO has been lured out of retirement (with the irresistible offer of 37 Euros, a bottle of aguardente and a woman of loose morals) and hurriedly scrawling on the back of a lottery ticket, thankfully provided us with a sleeve concept in our hour of need. A complete appraisal of the genius that is V. Longo can be found on the Veiculo Longo MySpace page.

I thang yew.

11th June, 2007


The recent bomb-shell has not put us off our stroke.

We can now reveal the titles of our short-list for the next, as yet name-less, album...




"Blue" failed to show again, and KT's "Garden" didn't have completed lyrics, but as we already have an over-long 65 minutes of 'music' we don't care!
( Just get on and finish it, yea? Ed. )

8th June, 2007



As mentioned earlier, our solicitors Bresslaw, James & Hawtrey have grave concerns about the artwork we submitted for " The Last Flight Of The Grafenberg":

" Whilst it is true that pop legends " The Lead Zeppelins " featured an image of an air-ship that bears a striking resemblance to a penis, we feel your intended use of a penis that looks like a balloon is a step too far.

I enclose our invoice.

Yours, etc. K. Williams. "

Philistines!!! Rather than compromise our artistic integrity we have decided, somewhat reluctantly, to reserve our controversial concept until a more enlightened age dawns...

3rd June, 2007


Done! *

(* Unless we do a few re-mixes etc. )

26th May, 2007


One to go.

15th May, 2007


Well, things are proceeding rapidly at "TurnerTowers"!

Only three to do now and then it's sleeve fun! ( More dressing-up, and we can't wait! ) The next challenge is deciding the running order! Whilst the beginning and end are established, the bits in-between are yet unknown!

Nearly there! ( Stop using exclamation marks!! Ed. )

25th April, 2007



Due to immense public demand, for one night only, WW will re-form! Drawing on the many phases of himself { and seeing as he can't rely on John, Les or Mel } he will gather the cream of musicians from over the years [ Mike Byron-Get-one-free from FLOBALOB, Jeff Leach from Glums 2, Craig Fletcher from BJHTTEOJL & JALOPY and Linn Yamaha, drummer on many of the later albums.] and go under the banner of " PARTLY JAMES HARVEST Lite " The date for your diary is June 31st. He'll probably spend the day in bed.


24th April, 2007


More "wit" from the pit.
Another new song happened... [ yawn.]
WW almost recovered from the realization that no-longer is he on the gently rising slope of life, but rather a definite member of the over-the-hill-gang. He's also worried about starting to repeat himself.
Meanwhile, work continues. Two to finish and six to mix. I'm sure the many of you who have made an album will concur that at first it's all broad brush-strokes, then the fiddly bits seem to take forever. Still, we're on target to finish this century ...
A free-form introduction kept us amused for oh, 15 minutes, and CF did an announcement for Health & Safety reasons, otherwise it's 'Sing, Sing, Sing!'
He's also worried about starting to repeat himself.

...now where on earth did I put that biscuit?

5th April, 2007


News,news,news. When will it all end! ( Yesterday would be nice - Ed.)

Many mixes in the can and more correcting, assessing and recorrectassessing.

But, as soon as you can say " Ra " a new song turns up and confounds all logic. 'Such rampant creativity' we hear you say..................................... well, perhaps we can't actually hear you say it, and perhaps you're not saying it anyway, but let's not argue about this minor point. You want to argue? Outside NOW!!

...erm More soon.

Rocky. XXX

19th March, 2007

" ROCK N ROLL TURKEY" ( copyright B. Matthews 2007 )

We're getting there... ( yes, but where exactly? Ed.)

G. Richardson ( He of 'The Caravanettes' ) has been foolish enough to volunteer his multi-talents by playing viola on the beginning of "Shoes". It's amazing what you can do on the telephone nowadays! Jake ( son of Craig ? ) Fletcher has contributed a revolting chord on "Quicksand" and several women from the Turner household can be heard here and there. What a 'Mash-up'!

On another front KT has been to Paellaland to look in on 'Mandyband 3 : Manuel's Revenge' and WW is due to jet-off soon with 6 and a half minutes of misery for that very project.


30th January, 2007

"DOCTOR! DOCTOR?"( copyright J. Lees 1981 )

A very productive two days...

NOT ONLY did we re-design the middle section of "Tonight..." ( it sounding a bit too Supertrampy/ 10cc-ish.)
BUT WE ALSO retrieved " Shoes " from the other place and did a magnificent job on it- church organ, gongs, the lot!

On another note, we've just heard from our legal team that the artwork rough for "Grafenberg" is 'Too Explicit'. ( More on this explosive situation soon...)

I thank you.
Yours, etc.

20th January, 2007

"BACK IN THE GAME" ( copyright L. Holroyd 1996 )

Ahhhh! The looney returns...

Beavering away ( Watch it! Ed ) again and preparing a few monitor mixes to tease you on Mespace, it's good to be back in the Black Hole Of Withington. Next visit it's a Bored Meeting and a general overview to consider our song options and visualise the on-going in/exclusion variable parameters.. Or summat.

Until then then , Cheese.

4th December, 2006

Better Late for the Sky Than Never!

Well, I was going to start this flog with some droll witticism like 'Woolly may be gone but the beat goes on' or 'While the cat's away the Maes(toso) will play', but at this stage its more like 'Quick, Steve, let's look busy, he'll be back soon!!!'. Actually, we have been quite busy working on a couple of new songs from Steve - 'Sketch' and 'This is'. In addition we have been thrashing about on another of my ditties tentatively called 'New Song'. If 'Wait' has a smell of cat this one has the distinctly pungent aroma of dog!! (Fullness of time, me hearties)

Any road up, its back to the coal face for now, there'll be more news as and when or not as the case might be and as my old Granddad used to say, 'Merry Christmas'.


18th September, 2006

Dutchca ... Ed: Stop right there! I should have seen that one coming ...

The WW bandwagon, safely packed on mules, heads towards the Saddleworth hills. The last two days were spent putting guitars on "Tonight" and "Bolero" and a mandolin on "Pills". KT has been given the job of Chief Flogster in WW's absence. Him and SB should be beavering away, and The Mellotron Cowboy will be dropping in to the site to see just what they've been up to. There are more songs planned and these will be handled by the dynamic duo.

Keep watching the skies!

12th September, 2006


Here we are again. More work on "Wait" (the catty song), two extra chords added, a string section and we cobbled together the words - which are totally appropriate! Then - we did warn you - we've done something vaguely approaching Ravel's Bolero, though you're not likely to see Torvill and Dean skating over the ice to this one. Whilst the basic rhythm is definitely 4/4, the tune, if you can call it that, is 5/4! Honestly, we didn't know which leg to use, and it's barbaric. And, as usual, wereally don't have any idea what to do with it, but if you really want to hear this vicious and barbaric bolero, we can fit it in somewhere (Ed: Please don't trouble yourselves on our account.).

The beat goes on ...

25th August, 2006


Another scroll from the hole: Thursday was spent recording a song first heard on the Maestoso tour in 1981, Kim's "Tonight Could Be The Night". Although it's had several outings since then, either live or on somewhat grubby compilations, this is the first time it's had the full treatment. Friday morning, a fresh song, called "Winter", has been demoed. This is probably not a candidate for the current CD outing, but might well appear later. And finally, another Kim song, "Wait", has been done in a chillingly familiar way - no clues, but it smells of cat! (... This could be the thin end of the wedge.-Ed.)

So, tunes on the slate so far:

  • Sand
  • Pills
  • Hill
  • F, H and C
  • Strange
  • Fortune (the epic formerly known as 'Progtastic!')
  • Yearning
  • The Robbie Williams Tribute
  • Jack (once was 'Soldier')
  • Garden
  • Herb
  • Tonight Could Be The Night
  • Like
  • Wait

There will certainly be more ...

Erratum: due to a strangely colourblind copy-typist in the previous instalment, we should have referred to Kim Turner as Blackbeard (rogue and pirate), and not Bluebeard (serial killer). We apologise for any offence caused to Mr. Turner in this matter.

15th August, 2006


Some slight update: "Soldier" is now called "Jack", "Progtastic" is now called "Fortune" (come on, keep up now!), "Strange has had another forty seconds of strange added - "Now with extra strangeness!" - and SB song "Herb" is on the slate.

On Friday, KT had something in his eye (an eyeball?), so he took to wearing a rather fetching eyepatch. We always knew he was a bit of a Bluebeard (close the buffet, batten down the hatches and repel all boarders, me hearties!).

1st August, 2006


Dissonant Hellhole
Soaring Majesty
Pastoral Folk Tune
Sea Shanty
Soaring Majesty
Short Pastoral Folk Tune
Dissonant Hellhole

To most people, that would seem like an interesting album, but it's not, it's all one bloody tune! Working on the assumption that length is everything, our progtastic number is rapidly approaching ten minutes.      [Wolstenholme! See me after class - that's quite enough gratuitous filth and innuendo for one log entry.]

Having spent most of Friday cutting and shutting the various elements of this magnificent folly, we've decided that on the third listening, it does actually make sense (early assessment: "Is it mad, or is it just me?").

As a respite from this onslaught, we did a Kim tune, "Garden", on which his voice sounds like Tom Waits meets the Crash Test Dummies - or not. This album will be the first in the BJH-related canon to feature spoons, swanee whistle and a child's wheelbarrow filled with water (it leaked), so you can't say that we're not trying very, very hard to include the kitchen sink. More on that later ...

20th July, 2006


We've already started revisiting our earlier mistakes and patching them up (perhaps making new ones, toooo). Quelle surprise! There's been some acting; we're prone to this sort of thing and we can't resist dressing up. A new song not previously mentioned, "Soldier", has been given the Gordon Sumner (aka String) treatment, but guaranteed it will not sound like him, alas ... We're still working on "Progtastic". Due to the intense heat, being stuck in a cellar in South Manchester isn't such a bad thing after all.

4th July, 2006

What A Week!

If it wasn't our finest home-grown magnificently crashing out of Wimbledon, or Wayne Rooney's achingly beautiful ball-play in the World Cup, it was a VIP visit to the studio! The local press did us proud with an eighth of a page splash in their Tiger Feet Pop Column. We haven't had this much publicity since we "cancelled 80% of our World Tour" [source: unknown]. So, we're a bit dizzy. These momentous events did not prevent us from plying our craft, and we did a lot of work on "Like", which we've called the James (rhymes with Blunt) song, though it's nothing like him really. Also, two minutes of insanity with "Strange", and KT came up with a progtastic item which might well turn out to be an epic. In the known world, there are still two songs, "Yearning" and "The Robbie Williams Tribute", to tackle, then after that it's all uncharted waters. So, lift the anchor, set the sails and prepare to sink!

[Noises off. "Nurse! Increase the medication, please, Mr. Wolstenholme's rambling again ..."]

Below: Jazz workshop at the Burlington with Ken Follicle's Moodswingers

Craig Kim Woolly Steve

6th June, 2006

What's the word on the street, Malcolm?

Grimroyd is now only a distant mammary memory (and a slight burning sensation at the back of the throat), so it's upwards and on.

WW has fifteen or so songs on the slate and KT and SB have piles (of stuff) - time for another Mæstoso album. From the WW cachet, three songs, "Shoes", "Streets" and "Light", have been reserved for John Lees' BJH-world. The rest (because a] he didn't like them, or b], they're too daft for him), are available for The Last Flight Of The Grafenberg (working title only) and much work has already been done on "Sand", "Pills" and a nocturne called "Hill". "F, H and C" is already prepared for inclusion on the forthcoming single. (See other news)

End Of the World Studios has closed, SB's lad Kipper having occupied the bedroom, so we're in "The Beast In The Cellar" establishment in South Manchester. Starting now should give us plenty of time to complete the CD before Spring 2007 (notwithstanding that tour thing in the autumn - d'oh!).

TAFN, The Mellotron Cowboy.

P.S. ... meanwhile, back at the asylum, Doktor Schreckmann treats another patient ...

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